YMonday, October 31, 2005
why cant you just fathom the fact that i need you? wat abt my hurt my tears and my depression? cant u tell.? wat makes u so NUMB? why does it seem that im all alone now? that u have ur frens and i dun have mine..to who can i confide in now?
please StOP makin me worry..pleasee stop hurtin urself.
please stop hurting me.
i've been hurt enuf.
shedding tears every nite have become too exhausting fer me.
my mind is slowly dying cuz i've been thinking too much.
please stop makin me feel useless in ur life.
i cant be happy if ur not happy.no matter wat i try to do.
we would usually pull throughh our problems together..wat's happened now?
i reallly need you now.
i dun want anymore sadness.not anymore.
not from you.
i cant face our parents alone.
i cant face the family alone.
i cant live tis life alone.
so please stop wanting to end your life.
cuz then, my life will be meaningless.
bcoz ur the reason y im still here..in tis family..
please..stop hurtin urself.
cuz ur hurtin me too.
_callous_ was here with you at
YThursday, October 27, 2005
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
-You can’t erase
You can’t replace it
I miss it now
I can’t believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it
If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
-nickelback
_callous_ was here with you at
YMonday, October 24, 2005
the time when u are at ur worst is the time wen ppl wud usually wana stay away from you... well..he chose to stand by me..despite the truth that i revealed to him..
n im greatful to have him around me..
tho sometyms..doubts will linger and we will have our share of indifference..
things usually turn out fine after we meet..and talk it out..
im startin to trust him..(sth tats hard to do)..
even so..we are total opposites of each other.
both in character and personality..the only similarity is perhaps our intrest in music and goin ludicrously stupid..haha
and sometyms..mebe in the way we think..
but he's someone im not..something tat i dun see myself bein..
someone vastly different from me..
perhaps..he's my other half..
the other part of me that is ever so different..
the other part of me that shows me both sides of the world..
that makes me understand life in a wider perspective..
that somehow..makes me complete..
cuz i've always been tis half-a-person..
and now that i'm whole..
livin a day without him..
became impossible..cuz it'll make me feel incomplete.
cuz im too used to already bein whole..
us together could prolly be complicated..cuz we wun be together till we really know each other well..but we noe that love exists between us..inspite tat, we are just takin our time..
fillin it wit lots of love and understanding..building a healthy foundation..
i wasn't sure then that i'd like to be wit you..
but for now im certain.
i tink we can make tis werk..
finally im certain of 1 thing..
tat is..to be wit you..
_callous_ was here with you at
sometyms there's tis sick pit in ur stomach tat realy hurts badly that it makes u cringe and worst- u dun even noe wat is the cause of all tis pain..
tat u really feel like puking it all out thinking tat somehow the feeling wud just be gone.
and even after having done that..the feelin's stil there..in fact,it got worse.
so u start tryina find every way possible to make that awful feelin dissapear..
u do things that u never thought u'd do..
coz painkillerz became a drug..and gettin sleep became impossible.
that's wat i feel now..
i feel like an insomniac..i cant sleep and i just duno wat to do wit myself.
wat can i do to mend all the broken pieces..
wat abt the lost debris..
tat perhaps contributed to the pain that i've been feelin lately..
why must happiness be temporary..
wat makes the usual sadness and depression linger?
the memories of my torments and hurt just wont go away..
being constantly reminded of it still affects me..
so many things are running through my head..
and i cant make any sense of any of it..its torturous.
but yet..nothing that i do will make tis ass-feelin dissapear.
perhaps its just me and my delusion..
perhaps i am the cause of the sick pit in my stomach..
perhaps i shudnt even give a f-.
everything at home seems fine..werk seem fine..sch is fine..
me? -im not sure.
i gez i stretched myself to thin..and im actually enjoyin it all..
every hurt and every pain..
bein in the company of my frens..colleagues..and "the tag team of 4"..
and him..somehow makes me forget tat im in pain..
-n i love it..despite dad not lettin me hangout..ima still gon'a do it..
cuz at least.i feel accompanied.
_callous_ was here with you at
YTuesday, October 18, 2005
I don't want to go another day
So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind
Seems like everybody is breaking up
Throwing their love away
I know I got a good thing right here
That's why I say (Hey)
Nobody's going to love me better
I'm going to stick with you
Forever
Nobody's going to take me higher
I'm going to stick with you
You know how to appreciate me
I'm going to stick with you
My baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I'm going to stick with you
I don't want to go another
So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind
See the way we ride
In our privated lives
Ain't nobody getting in between
I want you to know that you're the only one for me
And I say
Nobody's going to love me better
I'm going to stick with you
Forever
Nobody's going to take me higher
I'm going to stick with you
You know how to appreciate me
I'm going to stick with you
My baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I'm going to stick with you
And now
Ain't nothing else I can need
And now
I'm singing 'cause you're so, so into meI got you
We'll be making love endlessly
I'm with you
Baby, you're with me
So don't you worry about People hanging around
They ain't bringing us down
I know you and you know me
And that's all that counts
So don't you worry about People hanging around
They ain't bringing us down
I know you and you know me
And that's why I sayNobody's going to love me better
I'm going to stick with you
Forever
Nobody's
going to take me higher
I'm going to stick with you
You know how to appreciate me
I'm going to stick with you
My baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I'm going to stick with you
Nobody's going to love me better
I'm going to stick with you
Forever
Nobody's going to take me higher
I'm going to stick with you
You know how to appreciate me
I'm going to stick with you
My baby
Nobody ever made me feel this way
I'm going to stick with you
stickwitu-ThePussyCatDolls
_callous_ was here with you at
YMonday, October 17, 2005
everything's been goin pwetty well lately..so yeah.. =D
the talk that i gave in TMS went well and werk was superb..
been werkin alot lately tats y i didnt have any time to blogg..ehehe
worked wit Ellyas and Aida..loadsa fun! haha..
we hung out at aida's till abt 3am the day before werk to watch white chix and crapp..
was FunNN...before that i celebrated dad's bday..and met up wit the oda beanies at geylang and den went to Singapore Post and chilled awhile..
Baby kinda got pissed cuz he thought i was talkin to some guy..hhaha and said "i love u" to him..wth. so he didnt join us to go to Aida's and went home instead..=/
BUT he realised that the guy who i was talkin to was Erwin..so he kinda got 'shamed' and met me under Aida's blk fer awhile at abt 2am..
poor him..had to walk all the way frm Elias to my area just to come see me..
hehe...Muackz! [i still rmb how u sweat..u still smell gd somehow ;)]
and then today we went out again..spent ALMOST the whole day together..
was supposed to meet at 3pm..and then watch skeleton key..but i went to dye my hair..
and not only did i look stupid..i also got to meet him only at 5pm.! tsk.
there goes our movie..and on top of that..
the gig that we were supposed to go to at esplanade got cancelled cuz of the rain..
hahha..but amazingly..
we still had fun in the end..just bein in each oda's company and each oda's frenz...
[cuz i met shi and py at citylink fer dessert at Gelare and we met his frens way before]
Gelare..provides the worst kinda service and whipped cream..yuck.
the whip is tasteless and the manager suck.
the server made a mistake by givin me 2 full ice cream instead of half of each flavors and overcharged me..so we told the manager..then she took back by EATEN-ED plate and THREW IT AWAY and gave me my order..wat a waste!! it's ur colleagues fault and u just throw good food away?? wats wrong wit just lettin me have it?! ugh.
haha..wth..it all ended well anyhowz..cuz i get to be wit him..
and meet shi and py at the same time and snapped pixies..
*smiles*
i cant belive it's u-the guy i've been lookin for.. khairul my clown..
thanks for always makin me smile baby..*hugz&kisses*
_callous_ was here with you at
YTuesday, October 11, 2005
it's so late into the early mornin and im still up listening to My Chemical Romance and Matchbook Romance..brainstorming on wat to say at Temasek Sec later..
i'm supposed to talk about TP..the experience and all tat shytz..
im also expected to be knowledgeable about the courses offered in Biz sch..
am doin my research now..but decided to take a break and bloggggg...
worked wit Jeremy and Izhar and Ken just now..
a freakin MAN-iac environment just now..
Amir stayed to break fast togthr..[i actually made him stay..hehe]
Shi darlin came by and brought food for us from Central..
hehe..THANKS LOADS dear..we didnt hafta eat CB food again..bleargh.
werk was nothin diff..the Same Ol Shit every time..
The guys still didnt give up tellin khairul and i to hook up..
heh.
khairul came to pick me up frm werk just now..*touched*
helped me top up my ezlink tooo...hehe
[sorry to trouble you dear]
honestly..we like each oda..
BUT we just need time k guyzzz??
i've decided on wat to do wit my hair btw..
dye it dark PurPle and then go fer treatment..hehe..whee!
Am tinking of cuttin my hair too..
BUT
That im still considering..
[im kinda sick of hilites Jaren..BUT i wana see yours!!]
watched Devil's Rejects and the 40 Year-Old Virgin about 2days ago btw..
damn funn.
haha..one kinda gory and the latter damn funny..slapstic humour i s'pose..
both was a treat...hehe..
i missed goin nutz and lame and immature...
everything's been so serious and no fun..
*boring*
mebe i shud hangout wit d gurls again..
wen can we go out huh?!!!
i miss you gurls you noe!
y'all always plan LAST minute..i need 1week notice..
i got werk...and schedule is not fixed..k??
love u ppl anyhows..MMuackz!
ok shyt..its so late and i still duno wat to say later!!
yikez! hellllpppp!!!
the songs are soo not helpin me..haha!
wth.im just gona crap tmr..
leave it to fate..[wat cherie would say]hehe..
gona go back to crappin abt TP now..
LAter ppl!
NYTE!!! muackz!
_callous_ was here with you at
YFriday, October 07, 2005
today is like basically a bummer..haha..i've been like bummin around home the whole day..read the novel that i just bought...msged ppl the whole day and watched tv..tsk.
anyhows, we buka-ed pasta just now...damn nice! hehe..mum's plannin to eat out tmr..yeay! and im goin out on sunday too..yeay! hehe..
i've been confused abt wat to do wit my hair..
straighten it? relax it? go for treatment? or just dye it? or BOTH?
ouhhh..the trouble of bein a gurl..heh..if i was a guy..it'd be easier i suppose..tsk.
im gona go do it the comin week i suppose and baby's gona accompany me..whee!
oh yeahhh...i miss my gurls tho..it's been so long since we last hung out man..darnit!
mebe one of us shud plan an outing..hmm..but i dun wana do it..
its sucha tedious task..to accommodate to everyone..and if it didnt turn out well then the planner will be blamed..TSK.
btw, i bailed out on khairul today..
supposed to go jammin together..
but well..it's d fastin month so my daddy didnt let me..heh.
sorry baby..
anyways..here's me n khairul..
aren't we cute?? hehe...
_callous_ was here with you at
YThursday, October 06, 2005
worked 2 shifts last nyte..so i practically buka-ed and sahur-ed at werkkk...hehe.. it was nice tho to eat coffee bean food..weetz!
neways, i got nothing much to say..just that im plain bored and that i feel freakin lifeless now but wth..when i get my pay..everything'll change..hehehe...
okkk..so im just gona show ya the pics we took at Mak Long's house..=D
_callous_ was here with you at
YSunday, October 02, 2005
wheeelllooo!!! im finally baccckkk...hehhe
been so damn exhausted wit werk..dank..ok lemme share wit u how my schedule was like tis week kiez?
Mon-Thurs 12am-8am
Thurs afternoon..came back to werk at 4pm til 12am..
Fri-Today..8am-4pm..
How cool is tat?! i practically worked the whole week wit no OFF haha..worst off then the Managers and the full-timers and i actually am happy doin it..knowing that it'll pay off somehow..=D
But my whole body is aching rite now..wit the 4hrs sleep everyday..
tmr is my off day and im spendin it wit mum and dad..goin to see bro and then go geylang for God noes wat..and then i think goin to meet Prudy..tis gurl tat i met while werkin..haha..i actually made a fren while werkin! haha..1st tym..she was a complete stranger but i somehow managed to click wit her and we were talkin abt losin weight..hahaha..and then we exchanged numbers fer fun..
and then yeahh Ammar came by on one of the days wit his frens..it was co-incidence that i was werkin oso togethr wit Nabil and Khairul..then i found out that he noes Frankenstein[Nabil]-i called him Frankenstein cuz he sound and looks like one..haha..a funny yet scary character..y'all shud meet hiM!=D
neways, i think it was saturday noon..he saw me werkin..haha..BUT too bad that i was too busy and didnt notice him..heh.
went over to me late grannie's 100days feast yday..went late so practically everybody was gone..cuz i reached at 5pm and stayed til 8pm..mum left early too..sat and spoke to my cuz and aunts..miss them! cuz we havent met since i forgot wen..haha
one of my cuz whose older then me and im not close to asked me..wat gave me the motivation to study hard and want to be successful? cuz her son is not havin tat mindset and that she's worried...i told her it's cuz i wana have a direction in life..and be stable so that i can support my family AND then she got all religious on me somehow..yikez!
i just kept quiet and let her yabble..cuz i really just duno wat to say cuz i find it as an insult cuz it was as if she thot that im not religious at all..wth.it's wat she thinks so suit herself.heh.
then today went to Mak Long's house after werk..took LOaDSa pics but willl onli post it tmr cuz too tired to load..hehe.took pics of mummy and mak longz tooo so abg wan can see..hehe [but wait till tmr k bro?]
Spoke to Erwin just now..he was in need and i wasnt there..im sorry dear..i've been busy..i promise i'll make it up to you and we'l meet and go out and talk and just catch up k? i Miss you too..and all i wana do now is see you again after soo long..trust me k?
people is also suspecting tings btwn me and khairul cuz we are damn close..oh wth. let ppl talk k baby?? we noe ourselves better..hehe
im'a stop crappin now..it's enuf fer tonite..hehe...i'll blog again tmr..nite2~!
oh yeah it's Nabil's 21st B'day..
so..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FREAKKK!!!
-i chose tis colour cuz it looks like you--CRAP!hehe..
anyhows i hope tat ur wiser..smarter and CLEANER now..i'll pray fer you..hehe
keep sucking Edmund you ass! =P
_callous_ was here with you at